My real fucking year in review

My Facebook year in review was full of happy happy joy joy pretty pretty photos of my year. And all I kept thinking was this was not my year. Yes there were times I spent out with my friends and with my husband where we actually laughed instead of cried but the majority of my year? It fucking sucked large donkey balls. I never understood that saying. Why donkey balls? Why not oxen balls or buffalo balls or bull balls? Anyway, my year was not what was portrayed on my Facebook year in review.

My photos did not show my daughter sitting atop the stairs hysterical, unable to speak with a knife in her hands. Nor did they show the cuts that go all the way up her arm and the scars left behind. My photos did not include the lobby at Children’s Hospital that was so crowded every time we visited that I had to weave my way through kids sick with the flu and god knows what else to get upstairs to my kid. My photos did not include my husband and I getting buzzed in to the locked ward that housed my child. My photos did not show how they searched her every time she came back up to the floor. My photos did not show how scary it was when the floor went into complete lock down because a patient flipped out and was violent. My photos did not show the exhausted faces of my husband and me after a day of working and then traveling into Boston in rush hour traffic to spend an hour visiting with our child who wanted to die and then making the trip back home to try and take care of our other child who still needed our attention. My photos do not show the wear and tear on us.; the new grey hairs, the huge wrinkles in our foreheads or the liver failure that came from drinking a shit ton of wine. My photos didn’t show my puffy eyes or snotty nose. Thank god. But that would have been more representative than the smiley, shiny pictures they did put up.

That being said, I’m grateful for the pictures that showed some smiles in the midst of so much sadness. I’m happy that at times that I was able to be with my friends and laugh and that it was captured in a moment. I’m comforted that there are pictures of me and my husband making the best out of a shitty situation. I’m thankful that I have pictures that show glimpses of normalcy in the midst of a tidal wave; pictures at restaurants, pictures of Bar and Bat Mitzvahs; pictures of a lizard king that came into our life like a super hero; pictures of our family back together again.

Enjoy some of the pictures that didn’t make it onto the year in review but will forever live in my heart. And Happy fucking New Year.

 

 

Advertisements

2 Comments

Add yours →

  1. ALL OF THIS. EVERY SINGLE WORD.

  2. Love this one too. Keep it up!
    XO Jules

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: